Zeus050412

I guess I just need to vent... nothing about boxers... but about ... well whats happening in my life... June 30, 2011 was probably the worst day of my life.. 3 days after my 22nd birthday my mommy.. my rock.. my life.. was diagnosed with colon cancer... at first the word cancer was terrifying on its own... then together with "my mom has cancer..." All I could think about is.. I am 22 years old, what am i supposed to do without my mom? when i have kids she is supposed to be there... when I get married she is supposed to dance at my wedding... I had to pull myself together.. i had to be strong for her.. July 2011.. mom had emergency surgery.. 3/4ths of her liver removed.. (thats where the tumor was).. the recovery.. not so good. 9 days in ICU with tubes and the whole nine yards. I sat in the hospital room every SINGLE night after work to be with her... I would call the nurses during the day to see if she was breathing on her own.. I missed her voice so much.. finally.. she recovered... then BOOM! bad news.. another tumor in her colon.( this is where they belive the cancer started) in OCT 2011... she had surgery again... remove part of her colon.. that recovery wasn't as bad as the liver... however, it was still rough... she starts Chemo and radiation... 2 more tumors pop up in her liver.. surgery is no longer an option... chemo seems to be doing its job.. i would say from March to August of 2012.. mom was back to normal.. gaining weight..eating... laughing... no pain.. August.. the pain started and she knew the cancer was back.. infection after infection.. finally in October of 2012 the oncology and radiation doctors broke the news.. those words you dread... "there is nothing else we can do.. the cancer is too aggressive.." I was there that day... my mom was hysterical.. 55 years old and dealing with the fact that her life may be over... They told us she had 6 months to a year to live.. how can someone put a timeframe on my mommy's life? how can someone take her away? Thanksgiving... we made it the best we could.. she slept the whole time... her birthday is December 9, i made sure to get her exactly what she wanted.. a camera.. she looked so beautiful on her birthday in her jammies and pearls. . Christmas was great too!

well here we are. Jan 2013 and hospice says my mom is declining.. that we need to start making arrangements.. arrangements? my mom didnt plan for this.. no life insurance.. nothing.. every moment i have with her now , i will cherish forever.. i am currently loosing my mom, and everyday i have to get up and go to work, and put a smile on my face... when all i want to do is cry.. getting the price sheets from funeral homes is overwhelming.. in the thousands.. no payment plan options.. money up front... I am thinking of starting a donation at work.. i need the help...

I feel like im loosing my mind.. i just dont feel like myself... i just dont know what to do anymore.. i cannot fathom a day without my mom..

thank you for listening...

I uploaded a pic of me and her.. i was like 17 in this picture.. and she was as healthy as ever..

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Dawna - Mommy to Zeus aka Monkey and Ciara aka Ci Ci

boxerlove84

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. You are right. Your mom is too young, and you are too young to lose her. I could not imagine life without my mom either and I'm 28.

I will keep you and your mom and family in my prayers - if nothing more just hoping you find peace and help coping with what's happening.


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Mom to Gabby, Maggie, and Benjamin.

Zeus050412

thank you so much.. i appreciate it!

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Dawna - Mommy to Zeus aka Monkey and Ciara aka Ci Ci

Mom2Titan

oh my! I am so sorry your Mom is going through this horrible disease; I lost my father to cancer - such an aggresive disease when it wants to be. the only thing I can offer is to just be there with her as much as you can in her final days. If she doesnt' respond - remember this - she can still hear you- so you keep talking to her as she doesn't want to be alone when her body starts to go .... kisses and hugs

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Cindy - Mom to Titan & Kailer, Boxer, docked & floppy
Mom to Rocky & Brody-Ragdoll boyz

winnie

I am so very sorry.

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Molly, Mom to Winston (at the bridge 12/6/12 and deeply missed) and Porter

sasasola

I'm so sorry about your mom. I will be praying for you and your family that things go as smoothly as possible.

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Susy
Mom to 2 beautiful daughters , Duke and Dusty

Zeus050412

thank you all so much.

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Dawna - Mommy to Zeus aka Monkey and Ciara aka Ci Ci

RandE

((Hugs)) I'm so sorry.

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-Allie
mox·ie [mok-see]

noun Slang
1.vigor; verve; pep.

2.courage and aggressiveness; nerve.

3.skill; know-how.

ArianaRae

I was just about to say I know how you feel but I don't.. There's no pain like a child losing a mother. A year ago next month my aunt (whom I was VERY close to) left work to go to the hospital thinking she was having an asthma attack.. Turned out she was in heart failure. The next day after several tests, they found a coffee mug sized tumor on her kidney that had grew and wrapped itself around her heart. It was all so sudden.. Too much to bare at once. Last year Super Bowl Sunday was the last time I got to see my aunt. The next day her heart gave out during surgery.

Nothing can prepare you for the countless tears and nothing said can change anything that's happening but one thing that you gotta keep telling yourself is that your mom will no longer in pain.. She's wont be sick.. soon she won't have to fight anymore & she'll be at peace finally. I know you don't know me but if you ever need someone to listen you can always PM me.


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Zeus050412

Thank you so much for your kind words. you are very thoughtful.

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Dawna - Mommy to Zeus aka Monkey and Ciara aka Ci Ci