The circle of life. My final days with my angel on earth - Boxer Forum : Boxer Breed Dog Forums
Boxer Forum : Boxer Breed Dog Forums
Go Back   Boxer Forum : Boxer Breed Dog Forums > Boxer Forum Announcements > Welcome to Boxer Forums

BoxerForums.com is the premier Boxer Forum on the internet. Registered Users do not see the above ads.
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-27-2012, 11:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
Experienced User
 
lillysdad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 104
Default The circle of life. My final days with my angel on earth

Hello all, this is not a very happy post, so I apologize in advance if I depress anyone.
6 1/2 years ago I made one of the best choices of my life and bought a Boxer. The breeder would email me pictures of her when she was a baby, and I could not wait for the day she was old enough to come home. My parents and I drove 100 miles to meet the breeder and It was love at first sight. My angel Lilly was coming home. For the years that followed, we played, made many friends, went on many road trips and she felt like a child to me. I would drive home from work so excited to get there to see her pure happiness to see me, always greeting me with a crazy wiggle butt. I would talk to her and she of course would turn her head when certain key words were said. She kept me warm at night and was/is the best companion I have ever had. She has never done anything wrong. 3 Months ago things took a turn. Overnight, she started having diarrhea. Then came the vomiting and not wanting to eat. Her energy starting fading. Her weight dropping. I cant count the number of times I have been to the vet. I hate taking her there because it makes her shake. She has had so many tests and a sonogram that revealed her small intestines are thinning. They call it small intestinal disease. She is on a steroid, an antibiotic, a probiotic, a hunger stimulator, a stool hardener, B12 shots and pancreatic enzymes. All being given to see what will work. Nothing is working. She is 46 pounds, down from 70. Why does something that brings so much joy into the world have to be put through this? Why does something that only knows love have to be taken out of this world at 6 1/2 years old? Luckily I work from home right now, so I am able to spend a lot of time with her. The only time I leave the house is to get groceries, other than that I don't want to leave her side. I pet her constantly, sing to her and just stare at her trying to absorb as many images I can of her. I have taken so many pictures and so many videos so I have the good days to remember. I cry like a child multiple times a day, it hurts so bad to see her like this and to know that her time is so close. She still has life in her, she got up today to bark when the UPS man walked by. She still spends time sniffing around the back yard. I can see in her eyes that she is tired and weak. Her intestines just don't want to absorb the nutrients she needs. Twice a day I have to shove all these pills down her throat and she gives me a look like she doesn't understand why I am doing that to her. It kills me. I am depressed. I just want to drink all day long. All because my Lilly is loosing her battle, and I am going to have to part from her. I know one day soon she will not be able to do anything, and I will have to have the vet put her to rest. I know its coming and I have accepted it. I am planning on a private cremation so I can have her ashes with me for ever. this all hurts so bad, and I dread the grief that will come after she is gone.
Until that awful day comes, I stare at her, cry, and look to see if she is breathing (I sound crazy, but I love her). I pray constantly for her to be healed. I hang on to the slightest hope that tomorrow will be a day when things turn for the better. I can't believe 3 months ago everything was fine and my life was wonderful. I am loosing my angel on earth and nothing else matters right now. How long will the grief last after she is gone? Thank you for reading.
lillysdad is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-27-2012, 11:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
Super User
 
boxerlove84's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,677
Default

I am so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. It sounds like you have been a wonderful parent to Lily and she must know that. Hang on to every moment while you can and I too will hope and pray for healing. She's much too young to go...


Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App
__________________
Mom to Gabby, Maggie, and Benjamin.
boxerlove84 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-27-2012, 11:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
Experienced User
 
lillysdad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 104
Default

Thank you. I agree I have been a great parent... I have bought her the healthiest food her whole life, never let her run wild where she could get hit by a car, never let her eat bad snacks, and always got her shots and vaccinations on time. Its just awful that no matter how hard you try to be the best doggy parent you can, something can still happen that is out of your control. I think its time for me to see the doctor as well to get an anti-depressant and sleep aid until the sadness starts to lift.
lillysdad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2012, 07:26 AM   #4 (permalink)
BoxerForums Addict
 
winnie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Long Island
Posts: 2,639
Default

I am so sorry to read this. I am crying for your anticipatory grief. Nothing anyone can say will make this easier. I lost my angel Winston on dec 6. I miss him so much. He died less than a week after we found his tumor in the small intestine. I am glad that you are able to stay home with your little angel. She has known such love from you. I am saying prayers for you both.
__________________
Molly, Mom to Porter and Fiona
winnie is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2012, 07:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
BoxerForums Addict
 
winnie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Long Island
Posts: 2,639
Default

Feel free to pm me if you need to talk.
__________________
Molly, Mom to Porter and Fiona
winnie is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2012, 08:26 AM   #6 (permalink)
Super User
 
boxerlove84's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,677
Default

I agree that you should get some help from your doctor if you are having trouble coping with the grief. I had to do the same in '09 when my grandparents who I was very close to passed away a month apart. They were both in the hospital, then rehab, then nursing a couple months before passing and I was having trouble coping with the anxiety and then grief. I'm not a pill pusher, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do...

You have also come to an excellent forum with a wonderful support system, so hopefully those that have been through this can help provide some encouraging words as well.


Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App
__________________
Mom to Gabby, Maggie, and Benjamin.
boxerlove84 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2012, 08:55 AM   #7 (permalink)
Super Moderator
 
Roccosmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: MA
Posts: 3,961
Default

Oh dear. I am so sorry about Lily. You have been a great boxer parent. Sometimes things are not controllable despite all the best care. There is no good reason why she should suffer at such a young age.

I have been where you are with two beloved Bengal cats. I know the grief and I still occassionally grieve and question if there was anything else that could have been done. But now I can remember them with more smiles.

We are all here for you.
Roccosmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2012, 10:02 AM   #8 (permalink)
Super Moderator
 
GoudasMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Duncan Oklahoma
Posts: 2,293
Default

Im so very sorry you have to go through this. Reading your story it reminds me of my Gouda who I helped cross the bridge on 7/19/12 it was a long battle of 3+ years with cancer. I took her everywhere I went. She was my constant companion and friend.There is a great group I learned about on Facebook(I can get you the info if you want) that has chat sessions during the week with people who have recently lost a beloved pet or anticipating a loss. Dont feel ashamed to ask for help from your Dr. I had to do the same thing. Gouda WAS my child since I have no skin kids. When I let her go it was a primal guttural pain I have never experienced before and I have had many losses in my life including parents, best friend and life partner. If you ever need to "talk" message me I know your pain. Hugs to you and your Lilly
__________________
Gouda 9/6/01 - 7/19/12

Sue - Mom to Kippah rescued 8/19/12
GoudasMom is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2012, 10:14 AM   #9 (permalink)
BoxerForums Addict
 
af_wx_wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 2,441
Default

I am so sorry to year about Lilly. We helped our Maggie cross the bridge on 22 August. She had lymphoma & it had gone undetected till it was to far along. Like the other have said, don't be afraid to talk to someone. I got deeply depressed after Maggie was gone. Couldn't sleep for days, walked around like a zombie, would cry at any moment (didn't matter where I was). (((HUGS)))
__________________
af_wx_wife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2012, 10:20 AM   #10 (permalink)
New User
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 2
Default

I feel your pain...earlier this year my 4 yr and 10 month old boxer lost his battle to lymphoma...I felt so helpless...he was so young...and I still cry when I think about him...sending prayers for the both of you...
MissElle is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:13 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2
PetGuide.com
Basset.net DobermanTalk.com GoldenRetrieverForum.com OurBeagleWorld.com
BoxerForums.com DogForums.com GoPitbull.com PoodleForum.com
BulldogBreeds.com FishForums.com HavaneseForum.com SpoiledMaltese.com
CatForum.com GermanShepherds.com Labradoodle-dogs.net YorkieForum.com
Chihuahua-People.com RetrieverBreeds.com