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I had to let go of my baby boy Malone yesterday, it was one of the hardest days of my life.

I knew dealing with loss would be difficult, but it’s much harder than I ever imagined.

I feel tremendous guilt because my bf and I took a trip Ireland to visit my family and when we came home we discovered that my boy had had some acidents while we were away. This was completely out of character and I felt angry with our sitter feeling like he hadn’t done his job properly.
A day after we returned Malone had a seizure just as we were all drifting off to sleep in bed together. I didn’t know what was happening at first and though it only lasted about a minute it seemed like he was dying in my arms. We took him right to the emergency room. When the vet evaluated him he said there wasn’t much they could do since it was the first seizure they couldn’t prescribe anything. He did warn that there was a possibility of a brain tumor due to his age (7.5) and that he was favoring his right side when turning.
The next day I booked a visit with my vet and was told the same thing. I dropped Malone back home and headed to work as my bf was home now to keep an eye on him. I was back at work for an hour when I got the dreaded call that he had had another seizure. I raced home and we took him to vet again. He was prescribed phenobarbital, we took X-rays of his chest and blood work which all came back good aside from a slightly low thyroid.
I decided to try the meds, watch and wait.
Though after that first seizure he was never quite the same he seemed pretty happy and normal. The only odd thing was that he didn’t want his bone which he normally paraded around with each time we came home.

He did have a hard time adjusting to the meds and at times it was hard to tell if he was declining or if it was just the med side effects. I lowered his dose and he became much more like himself again. He was good for almost two months, seizure free.
Then one night he had a seizure again, it was shorter and less violent than the first one we experienced.
A week went by again without seizures. Then they came back again this time more frequently. I increased his dose back to the prescribed amount but it didn’t seem to help. He began to circle more and pace, his symptoms got worse over the weekend and I knew it was time. We could not control the seizures anymore (happening every 4-5 hours) and the poor guy winced if you touched his face.
It was a Sunday of course and I finally found a Mobile vet service that could come to the house, the apt was for 5pm. Unfortunately I ended up taking him back to the emergency vet instead, he had collapsed and wet himself. I could tell he was done and I couldn’t bare to see him suffer any longer.

Needless to say walking out of the hospital empty handed and hearted was the worst feeling in the world. I stayed with him though the process to comfort him and also find closure.
I still have this aching feeling of guilt leaving him there, though he was gone, it felt like abandonment.
He was always at my heels following me everywhere and I felt like my heart was being ripped out seeing him there lying on the gurney while we walked away, forever.

We brought his sister into the room after he had passed so she understood what had happened.
I am having a hard time seeing her so hurt as well. She’s very depressed and it’s hard to be strong for her at the moment because we are both hurting right now. I can literally see the sadness in her big sorrowful brown eyes and feel it in her heart when I press against her chest.

Any words of wisdom for dealing with loss in general? Also, what helped your pet get over the loss of another sibling or companion?
 

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Sorry for your loss.

As for any words of wisdom, I can only tell you for me, it helped knowing my dog was in a better place than being in pain. I waited for over a year before I got another dog where as my gf got one 2 weeks after she lost hers. Everyone is different and I would say just do what you think is best for you.
 

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First I want to say "Sorry for your loss." It's always hard to lose a dog. And most likely the next two weeks are going to be pretty rough ... But if you had him 7.5 years one day soon hopefully the tears of sadness will be replaced with tears of joy as you remember the good time.

As for words of wisdom ... this is what my Struddell said to me when she had to leave on life's journey. :
http://www.boxerforums.com/rainbow-bridge/127233-goodbye-baby-girl-struddell-11-25-2013-a.html

Welcome Aboard and sorry it's under these circumstances but as I am want to say ... the trail to this board is often a trail of tears??? And again sorry for your loss. :(
 

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Without a doubt you did the right thing. I can sympathies with you more then you can imagine as we had to put down one of ours last Thursday (he was around 8-9).
Like Matt said, the comfort is in knowing that they aren't in pain anymore. I have had to put down 7 dogs in 10 years. Mostly because we take in some dogs that would otherwise not get a home. It's a heart breaker ever time, yet I wouldn't change it. It will get easier.. a great thing to do with you and your girl is get back in some kind of pattern and start living again maybe a little extra outside time... It really helps.
We lost these 3 in the last 2 years.. typically my wife doesn't get the painting done until they have past. But there was just something about Pops that made her decide to do it early. He is the one in the middle.
 

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I am sooooooo sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. Our Roxi just passed on April 27th. 2 weeks shy of her 10th birthday. All I can say is that mourning will take time. I still wake up every morning thinking she is still in bed with me. Being a mom, my words to my kids sometimes come back to me. I used to tell my son "It's ok to miss someone, because missing them means you love them". It's ok to miss him. You gave him the best life and he wouldn't want you to be sad <3
 

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We lost these 3 in the last 2 years.. typically my wife doesn't get the painting done until they have past. But there was just something about Pops that made her decide to do it early. He is the one in the middle.
Aww man that is a lot of heartbreak, sorry for your loss. :(

Three dogs in two years is really, really tough! I guess I've been luck lately??? I have lost all my dogs over the last eight years?? Three to four years apart. So at least that gives one a break from grife??

And yes you are correct, you do have to move on and work with the dog you do have. But I would add that once you regrouped enough to cope?? Most likely it would be helpful, to walk the remaining dog for a while. Somewhere other that 'where one usually walked??

If one goes were they usually walk ... the memories will "pour forth!!" And the only thing one will remember, is that someone is missing???

On an unrelated note ... your wife does beautiful work!! Does she have a web site??? Picture number two reminds me sooo, much of my Struddell???

White Boxers suddenly seem to be the thing on here?? Who knew. :)
 

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I had to let go of my baby boy Malone yesterday, it was one of the hardest days of my life.

I knew dealing with loss would be difficult, but it’s much harder than I ever imagined.

I feel tremendous guilt because my bf and I took a trip Ireland to visit my family and when we came home we discovered that my boy had had some acidents while we were away. This was completely out of character and I felt angry with our sitter feeling like he hadn’t done his job properly.
A day after we returned Malone had a seizure just as we were all drifting off to sleep in bed together. I didn’t know what was happening at first and though it only lasted about a minute it seemed like he was dying in my arms. We took him right to the emergency room. When the vet evaluated him he said there wasn’t much they could do since it was the first seizure they couldn’t prescribe anything. He did warn that there was a possibility of a brain tumor due to his age (7.5) and that he was favoring his right side when turning.
The next day I booked a visit with my vet and was told the same thing. I dropped Malone back home and headed to work as my bf was home now to keep an eye on him. I was back at work for an hour when I got the dreaded call that he had had another seizure. I raced home and we took him to vet again. He was prescribed phenobarbital, we took X-rays of his chest and blood work which all came back good aside from a slightly low thyroid.
I decided to try the meds, watch and wait.
Though after that first seizure he was never quite the same he seemed pretty happy and normal. The only odd thing was that he didn’t want his bone which he normally paraded around with each time we came home.

He did have a hard time adjusting to the meds and at times it was hard to tell if he was declining or if it was just the med side effects. I lowered his dose and he became much more like himself again. He was good for almost two months, seizure free.
Then one night he had a seizure again, it was shorter and less violent than the first one we experienced.
A week went by again without seizures. Then they came back again this time more frequently. I increased his dose back to the prescribed amount but it didn’t seem to help. He began to circle more and pace, his symptoms got worse over the weekend and I knew it was time. We could not control the seizures anymore (happening every 4-5 hours) and the poor guy winced if you touched his face.
It was a Sunday of course and I finally found a Mobile vet service that could come to the house, the apt was for 5pm. Unfortunately I ended up taking him back to the emergency vet instead, he had collapsed and wet himself. I could tell he was done and I couldn’t bare to see him suffer any longer.

Needless to say walking out of the hospital empty handed and hearted was the worst feeling in the world. I stayed with him though the process to comfort him and also find closure.
I still have this aching feeling of guilt leaving him there, though he was gone, it felt like abandonment.
He was always at my heels following me everywhere and I felt like my heart was being ripped out seeing him there lying on the gurney while we walked away, forever.

We brought his sister into the room after he had passed so she understood what had happened.
I am having a hard time seeing her so hurt as well. She’s very depressed and it’s hard to be strong for her at the moment because we are both hurting right now. I can literally see the sadness in her big sorrowful brown eyes and feel it in her heart when I press against her chest.

Any words of wisdom for dealing with loss in general? Also, what helped your pet get over the loss of another sibling or companion?

So very sorry for your loss. It sounds like he had a great and spoiled life!

Try not to beat yourself up with guilt. Hindsight is always 20/20. Any good parent would do things different if they only knew whatever they didn't know at the time. We make the best decisions we can at the time.

I'm sure he knew you loved him and, IMO, you were there with him & you were strong enough to do the right thing so he was not suffering.

I pray his memories can bring you some comfort during your grief.
 
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