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RULES FOR BEING A GOOD BOXER

EMOTIONS
1) Happiness:
a) exhibited by vigorous tail "vibration" accompanied by kidney bean dance
b) lips pulled back so mouth looks "tight" usually accompanied by some sort of flat out run, w/ butt pulled in to increase aerodynamicity
c)widening of the eyes- to the point that they look like they may fall out of their sockets



2) Sadness:
a) exhibited by tail laying flat but not tight, and under no circumstances may it wag
b) furrowed brow, with head held low, but not w/out an air of dignity
c) optional pawing and otherwise notification of the owner that the situation at hand is less than aceptable



3) Anger- never displayed at human owners, but acceptable if former is threahtened
a) Stand TALL, and stiff,
b) unimpressed with attempts to placate by offending stranger, unless owner can prove that stranger really just had something bad to eat
c)scratch ground- the more sod that goes flying, the better the effect
d)jump REALLY high in air if behind fence, this allows the "bad" stranger to know that just because there is a fence, does not mean that he/she is safe
e) MOST IMPORTANT- practice barking. Then you may not have to do all of the above, especially the low growl/bark that slides into a woowoowoo. The addition of some spit flying onto the window where the stranger can see it does WONDERS.



SHOW RING
1) make sure that when you are in the ring, all other dogs have to RUN to keep up with you, while you keep a beautiful gait- messes up their stride

2) practice getting into position w/out help from the handler- who is HE to know your best side!

3) when judge goes over you, make sure all muscles are taught, and when he is going over another dog near you, try and time the passing of wind just when he is finishing up. This leaves lasting impressions of the competitor, even though he is not responsible.

4) if you take your class, at the sound of applause- GO NUTS, this drives them to clap even harder, which will probably improve the quality of your bounty afterwards

5) if you don't take your class, on the way out there are a few options:

a) jump up and "Box" the winner on the way out just enough so that he looks like he started it, judges do not like this- make sure you act really scared so that the other guy looks like he started it for no reason

b) walk out with a limp, then your "handler" will have a reason for you not doing your best, and you may even get some sympathy bounty

c) refuse to leave the ring until there is a recheck



Last but not least, the most IMPORTANT rule for a Boxer, is to MAKE ABSOLUTELY sure that you are such a good example of one, that Boxers will be the only breed in the house. Other breeds are WAY TOO boring to live with!



Signed,

Tucker, the Boxer
 
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