Boxer Breed Dog Forums banner

41 - 60 of 188 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,359 Posts
A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price.

She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize."

But if that wasn't bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks."

In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,902 Posts
How to Shower Like a Man
Your Ad Here
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,359 Posts
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.

As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand.

He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. Now try lifting your dress up your thighs...this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.

All of a sudden the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says,

"Now, tell Him you have a headache."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,359 Posts
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.
 
G

·
Guest
Joined
·
0 Posts
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
 
G

·
Guest
Joined
·
0 Posts
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
 
G

·
Guest
Joined
·
0 Posts
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
 
G

·
Guest
Joined
·
0 Posts
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,359 Posts
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started....


I got home last night; my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started.....


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started....


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she> hasn't been sober since.' 'My Gosh!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started....


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started....


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's just about perfect.' And then the fight started.....


I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started....


My wife asked me if a certain dress made her behind look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday and then the fight started.....


I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our 20th anniversary? It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started....


My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
284 Posts
Discussion Starter #59
zulu said:
How to Shower Like a Man
Your Ad Here
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.
annnddd.....? dont see a problem here :?
 
41 - 60 of 188 Posts
Top