Boxer Breed Dog Forums banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
20 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
i dont know what to do and i really need peoples advice. I have Rocky 1(rottie) sasha 1 next week (rottie) and chelsea 5 months(boxer). My partner doesnt like chelsea and i love her to bits! she is petrified of him he just needs to look at her and she cowers and runs. she follows me everywhere (it doesnt bother me but it bothers him) he cant stand her. If im not home b4 him he wont let her out the crate...i think this is cruel. I really want her to be happy and every time i think about it i cry. He isnt like this with my rotties. Today my dad is going to take her for a week...i want to see if she is much happier it really is breaking my heart. I tell my partner she is not going anywhere cuz he always tells meto get rid of her. I seen him once pick chelsea up and threw her out the living room i went MAD and i have warned him if he ever touches my dogs like that again and he will be sorry. These dogs are my kids. and no one is going to harm them!!! Iv also gave him plenty of opportunities to move out cuz i would pick my dogs over him any day. i really want her to behappy and i dont think she is. please someone give me some advice...im torn.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,757 Posts
I think getting Chelsea out of that environment is a great first step. If you have seen your partner throw Chelsea, lord knows what he has done to her when you weren't there. There is a reason that she cowers away from him. He has obviously done something to her. I hope Chelsea is happier with your dad, and that he is able to keep her.
I won't get into your personal relationship with your partner, but maybe you should sit down and really analyze where this relationship is heading.
Good luck to you, and let us know how Chelsea is doing.  :wink:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
18,306 Posts
Oh my, this is a tough one...I always  said (jokingly), Love me, love my dogs..I have come to the conclusion it wasn't a joke, I truly mean that...As much as you love Chelsa, I believe she needs to be out of that enviroment..If she is cowering from your BF, there is a reason, dogs generally don't cower for nothing..Like Tootsie said, you don't know what has happened when you aren't there...I'd let your dad keep her for now, see how she responds with him, go visit her, remind her of who you are and just love her...You do not want to see any harm come to Chelsa, so I think that is your best option, as much as it hurts, but you would know that she is safe and that is what really matters....

Please let us know what happens, ok? Sending lots of good vibes to you and to the lovely Chelsa..If it's any help, with her being as young as she is, hopefully she can get past this and go on to be a wonderful boxer, loving, outgoing & silly...WE rescued Tia at 9 mos, she had been badly abused, it took us awhile, but that girl came out of her shell and became a very outgoing dog, so keep that in mind... :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,939 Posts
Dogs as a species want to please and seek approval and are generally happy to be around humans.  So, if she is scared of him then I agree that he is probably doing something to initiate that response from her and I agree with above that it may be more involved when you are not there.  Dogs also are very forgiving, much more then people....Most of you already know and have seen this with your own, that you can have a bad day and maybe not be there for them, but they are still there for you.

Our pets/babies at 5 months old are still learning and developing and a scared dog can also become an aggressive dog or turn to a bite if scared enough....You dont want to let fear turn her into something she is not meant to be.

Thinking back about my lab Jazz, which was my dog previous to having Fiona.....She was there through me being in school, moving, 2 different partners, a marriage and a child being born.....Sometimes they are the one's that are in your life longer, and you as the provider and care taker are responsible for thier well being and happiness.........

I suggest either placing her somewhere else or placing him somewhere else.....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
375 Posts
Was she there before him? If he is abusive(throwing her out of the room) to an animal he will have a tendency to be abusive to people. I have been there done that. I am not trying to start a heated debate or anything so please don't take this the wrong way, but if it were me I would  suggest he go to some sort of counseling for his"issues" and I would make him go not my dog(if she was there first), but thats just me and I have been in your shoes. But if you don't want to send him packing then yes find her a better home.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
616 Posts
IMO I would send him packing.  I wouldn't be involved with someone that can treat animals that way.  He sounds a little immature and mean-spirited with his actions.  What you do with your relationship is completely up to you but I, personally, wouldn't put up with it.  If anyone outside your home seen what he has done, the AC could take your dogs from you.

I'm glad you are checking to see if she is happier outside of your home situation.  That is a great start.  Can your dad keep her if she is happier there?  I know you said it was for a week but wondering if there is a possibility of a long term home there??  You would still be able to have contact with her there!

I'm sorry you are having to go through these difficult decisions.  Kudos to you for realizing there is a problem and wanting to take steps to correct them.  Hugs to you!  Keep us posted!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
977 Posts
This sounds so sad Claire - maybe your partner doesn't pick on the rotties because they'd give him what for! :evil:  Boxer's are very susceptible and get very upset if you just tell them off...they don't need or deserve rough treatment of any kind. I'm going to be mean about your partner so i'm sorry if you love him and i'm sure he has some qualities - but he sounds like he can be nasty. He has to be a pretty callous person to treat a 5 month old dog badly- she's just a pup. Well done that you're looking for a solution - best of luck in finding the best for Chelsea.
p.s. Best of luck dumping this one and finding a nicer partner too :wink:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
508 Posts
Im sorry you are having to go through this. I think putting her in your dads care would be the best thing for now. And as the others say there is a reason that she cowars down and runs from him. I have seen many people give different affection to other dogs because of their breeds and what not. I would sit down with your partner and have a 1 on 1 conversation and see what and why he treats her the way he does and find out the reason she cowars to him. Good luck and i hope everything works for the better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
20 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
Well my dad step mum and sister came to pick chelsea up last night and i was in bits!! They said think of it as a holiday for her...she has constantly been on my mind. Last thing my dad said was i think you need to choose him or the dog! and to me that is going to be the hardest thing ever. Iv been with him almost 2 years. Yes my dad would keep chelsea permanently he has said that to me b4 i asked him to take her for a short stay. Dad doesnt stay in the same city so i wouldnt really get to see her. When people come to visit she gets very excited and jumps and runs to them but when he comes home she stays beside me or whereever she is and just wags her tail. Its like she wants some attention. He will clap her sometimes. But he just cant stand her one bit.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
905 Posts
Sorry to be blunt about this, but your boyfriend sounds like an arsehole.  I believe there is a time to be politic and a time to be honest, and this is the latter.  Why doesn't he have a problem with the Rotties?  Is it because to him they're "real" dogs while the boxer is just too affectionate (particularly to you) for his liking?  That's really what I'm getting from reading between the lines of your posts - that he's only interested in the Rotties because they're "hard" dogs.

I would definitely be concerned about what he has been doing to Chelsea when you're not in the house, so you're right to send her to your Dad's if you're not willing to get rid of your boyfriend, but it sounds like you love her so, so much and it is clearly breaking your heart to have to do that.  To me, it's pretty obvious who should get the boot here, and I think you know in your heart who it should be too...

Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,661 Posts
Sadly i agree with Honeyec. There is no need to have someone in your life that wont respect you, your choices and your animals. It is hard since you havebeen with him for so long, but i have been in this type of situation before. it isnt healthy and in the long run you end up wasting your time. I had to make the choice before, and i dont regret. looking back i wish i would have made the move sooner. Anyway i am not here to harp-i hope things work out the best for you claire.

As for your baby girl- i think it is great that you have recognized the issue and she is going on a mini vaca. Please keep us posted on how she is doing. i hope everything works out for you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
627 Posts
I agree with everyone else on this one...it is going to be a hard situation no matter what choice you make though.  I was just wondering because you said you've been with this guy for almost 2 years now and Chelsea is only 5 months.  Did you both agree on getting Chelsea or did he not want her/a Boxer?  And if he did agree with you on getting her/a Boxer, was there something, that you know of, after you got Chelsea that made him not like her?  Only because if he didn't want her/a Boxer, and you got her anyway, that could be a reason why he doesn't like her...or if he did agree then obviously something happened that made him not like her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
616 Posts
Tell your boyfriend....."Love me, love my dog!"  If he can't then he's not worth it.  You can find more comfort in your dogs, then you can in someone that can be abusive.  I would seriously consider your future with him if he has been known to do things to an innocent dog.  Hopefully all things will work out for the best.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,349 Posts
Wow! well I know it is not an easy situation no matter what angle you look at it. I feel that You should perhaps really look and see what the root cause of the unhappiness is and get rid of it. In this case it seems as though your partner is not ever going to change. I also feel that he has a lot of insecurities within himself if he has to take his ANGER out on an animal. Sounds as though he is fighting for attention with a dog. With him doing what he did to Chelsea is not healthy for you or your dogs. This is obviously my opinion and mine alone.

Only you truly know if it is worth the price. The thing you don't know is how he is going to be later on down the road. I have to agree with the others and say that he should love you and the dogs, or take a hike. You sounds as though you truly love Chelsea and your other two pups. Of course, it is easier for us to tell you to do something, as we aren't the ones in the situation. Sometimes you need someone to look in from the outside though to get anhonest opinion. But of all things, I would look at the situation and be brutally honest with yourself. No excuses to justify any actions that have been done, ask yourself if this is the road you really really want to take. I think inside you already know the answer and the answer is goign to hurt either way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
616 Posts
Brian~ it's nice to hear it from the opposite sex too.  Sometimes I wonder if you have the same opinions on things that we have.  :wink:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,349 Posts
[quote="mom2scoutandgunner\";p=\"14863":1u830xye]Brian~ it's nice to hear it from the opposite sex too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
159 Posts
no matter what else happens in your life, no matter how much money you make, no matter what your social status is, your dog will love you unconditionally. YOU ARE YOUR DOGS LIFE. You are why he/she lives. if this prick is abusing your dog (which is obvious if she's cowering cause they don't do that for no reason), what or whos next? you may be the one the frustration gets taken out on. I use to work at a slaughterhouse and have seen cruelty at its worst and have a BIG problem with it. I think someone has to go, either your dogs for thier own safety or the little boy whom you're with. I say little boy because a man doesn't stoop that low. a man takes care of family and keeps family together. should you have children together, there's probably going to favorites there too. think about that. I sincerely apologize about the language and attitude, but I think you need to do some serious thinking and decision making. Just my .02--Rich
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top