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I apologize that this is so long, but i really need your opinion on a family situation regarding boxers.

My sister got a male boxer about 1-1/2 years ago.  He is very spunky and needed a friend, so she went to Petco and adopted a lab mix to be his friend.  Then my sister started talking about getting a female to breed with her male.  I advised her several times that it wasn't a good idea, that breeding wasn't going to be easy (her reply was always that they would wait and see if they still wanted to once the female got to the right age).  I also told her that keeping them away from each other during heats until "that" time was going to be difficult too, about the lengths that the male and female will go to during that time to make it happen.  My advice fell on deaf ears and she bought the female puppy anyway.  The two young boxers and the lab started tearing up the back yard, which i told her was normal, they needed more activity and not to expect the grass to grow with them running around back there.  Then the female went into her first heat.  She brought the female into the house and left the male outside, and of course, he broke the window to get to her.  Luckily nothing happened, but the broken window really made her mad.  I baby-sat the male for the remainder of the heat and things calmed down.  Then they started digging out of the back yard.  My sister's husband would take all three of the dogs and put them into one crate (probably 3x4x3) as punishment and because he was too lazy to make the effort to secure the yard.  My husband and i offered several times to fix the yard but were always told by her husband that he was going to take care of it.  His way of takinig care of it was by throwing a lawn chair or some junk in the hole and expect it to work.  

Over Thanksgiving, my brother in law and i both had the following friday off, so i offered to come over and help him work on it so that the job wouldn't feel so big (my sisters pregnant at this time so she's out of commission).  He said that he was planning on working on the yard that day and didn't need my help.  

Move on to mid december:  my dogs are barking at the front window, and because i live on a fairly busy street, i didn't think anything of it.  They just kept on barking, so i looked out, and there were all three of my sisters dogs in my front yard (we live in the same neighborhood, about 3 blocks away).  It was 10:30 at night and i called her to tell her that we had her dogs.  She sent her husband over to get them, and i asked him, probably sarcastically, how many more times he thougth he was going to get that lucky.  The very next morning, my 12 year old niece came over on her way to school and told my husband that the boxers were gone and asked if he would go looking for them.  He spent all day driving around searching for them, i came home from lunch and looked, and did the same when i got off of work.  When i went back to my sisters house to see if they had come home, low and behold, there was her husband sitting on the couch watching TV and drinking a beer.  Not worried about his dogs at all!  That upset me pretty bad so i left quickly.  

We had a family function that Saturday, so i stopped at the pound to see if hopefully they had been picked up by the dog catcher and i could bring them home.  They weren't there and i left in tears.  

The next day, i called my sister to see if she had found the dogs and if not had she put out any missing dog signs.  It was 2:00 in the afternoon and she still hadn't put any out!  It only stays daylight until 5:30 in December so time was running out for anybody to have a chance to see the sign that day.  We got into an arguement about it and i told her that if she didn't care about them, that i would put the signs out with my phone number on them.  She hung signs and got a call that night from a guy who's friend had picked them up.  My sister didn't call me to tell me that they were found, and told the guy who had the dogs that he could keep them if he wanted.  I found out a week later when my mom told me what was going on.  

Then the next saturday, i got a call from my sister that the dogs had broken out the man's window and were running up and down the street and because she didn't take the signs down she got a call and went and picked them up.  I offered to come and get them, but she said no, they were going to fix the yard and keep them.  By this point, i'm almost begging for them to let me come and help, they obviously don't knwo what they're doing!  She calls the next day and asks me to come over and help her while her husband was doing some Christmas shopping so i did.  I went to Lowes and bought an electric fence and all of the supplies, went to her house and started fixing the yard alone.  While i'm outside, he calls her and evidentally chewed her out for having me over working on the yard, so i left and took the dogs with me.  She didn't seem to care at that point, but wouldn't speak to me at our family Christmas.  We haven't spoken since.  

She won't let my niece see me anymore because she thinks that i chose the dogs over her, but the way i see it, she chose to let this dog situation get in the way of our being sisters.  I miss her, but am not going to apologize for nothing.  Am I wrong for this?

Do any of you have any advice for me?  I really don't know what to do.

By the way, the two boxers are doing great!  I found them both good solid homes with people (friend's co-workers) that understand the breed and their personality traits.  They had to be separated, but they went to two brothers that live down the street from each other and have and acre a piece and other dogs.  Both are living in the house, have been spayed/neutered, and seem like they now have good lives, adn I can check on them whenever i want.
 

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Man, family can be REALLY hard to deal with sometimes, but I think you did the right thing.  Its lucky the dogs weren't hit by a car or something like that in all of their escapes... Its nice to know that they have gone to good homes where they will be properly looked after, just hope things get better with your sister, maybe after a bit of time realizing that things are easier for her without the dogs she will realize you did the right thing and come around to that.
 

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Glad the dogs are taken care of.  I don't know what to tell you about the sister thing.  My sister and I don't get along and never have.  We find it best to just leav each other alone.
 

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Having sisters and different personalities can definitely be difficult... I should know I have 3 of them... I honestly can't imagine not speaking to any of them... of course we fight... its just what happens.  I think that you should make the effort to speak to her and try to explain what you were feeling about the situation.  At least in the end that you cant say you didnt try!  And i really applaud you for doing what you can for her dogs...
 
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What a rollercoaster.  I would have done the same thing as you.  I love my family, but if they did that I would have been very upset and angry.  Obviously her husband didn't care about the dogs so he should be happy they are gone.  Also they got out and your sister didn't seem to care, she shouldn't be upset they are gone either.

I think she will get over the whole situation.  Especially when the new baby comes.  She didn't seem to have time for 3 dogs anyways.

I think you did the right thing.  I know that it hurts having her not talk to you, but I think in time it will get better.  I think she will realize you did her a favor.  You did a very good thing for those dogs     :clap:  :D
 

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I also think you did the right thing in regards to the dogs, as far as sister goes maybe you should point out to her that she was going to let a stranger that picked up the dogs keep them, so it seems you just helped her solve the "problem" in a more constructive way.  She is probably just upset that she wasn't the one controlling the situation. Since she won't talk to you maybe you can write her an email or a letter explaining it how you wanted to help her but not at the expense of innocent dogs, it's not like you kept the dogs and are refusing to talk to her, so I don't see how in this situation you chose the dogs over family,  it doesn't make sense.  Good luck with the sis, I have 2 and sometimes it's rough but I don't know what I'd do without them!
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thanks Y'all!  And JessiesMom, I've been wanting to call but have had too much pride i guess.  Maybe it is time to swallow my pride and at least tell her what i feel, weather she agrees or accepts it or not.
 

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[quote="Doodle-Doggie\";p=\"87790":1opp336o]Thanks Y'all!
 

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I think you did the right thing and if she is mad at you it is her problem.  You made many attempts to help them even offering to take the dogs and she wouldn't listen.  I don't think you did anything wrong and only had the dogs (and her) best interest at heart.  Hopefully she will see that soon and realize that you were helping her out especially with a new baby coming.  It would have been even worse for the dogs after the baby came.  

Sometimes just because someone is family doesn't mean you will ever get along with them or like them!  :D

Personally if I had lived in the neighborhood I probably would have called animal control on her.  She and her husband are the reason that so many animals end up in the pound, people getting them and not taking care of them and just letting them run off..not really caring about them.  

I know she is your sister but if you were to look at this if a stranger was doing what they were to the dogs then you probably would have been really mad seeing how the dogs were being taken care of.
 

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What a touchy situation, but IMO, you did the right thing..Sure puts you in a bad spot, which really is a shame..Those dogs could have been hit by a car, did that not cross their minds? Or do they care, my thought, if your sister was willing to give them to a total stranger, obviously not....Glad you were able to find good homes for them, too bad they couldn't stay together, but that means a lot of playdates, right? I'm with Angela, I would write down what you want to say first, keep to the script, but definitely call your sister. That makes you a better person, which of course by rescuing those babies is true  :)
 

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Family situations are tough, but YOU did nothing wrong here. I'm sorry your sister reacted the way she did but for her to involve your 12 yr old niece is immature and petty IMO this is not something a child should be involved in. I would try to talk to my sister (if I had one, only 1 brother for me) privately without her husbands input. Explain how you feel, but I would NOT feel guilty for a minute, someone had to do the adult thing here and unfortunately it was  you  :( Good luck, let us know how it goes.
 

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[quote="samsonsmom\";p=\"87827":343955o6]What a touchy situation, but IMO, you did the right thing..Sure puts you in a bad spot, which really is a shame..Those dogs could have been hit by a car, did that not cross their minds? Or do they care, my thought, if your sister was willing to give them to a total stranger, obviously not....Glad you were able to find good homes for them, too bad they couldn't stay together, but that means a lot of playdates, right? I'm with Angela, I would write down what you want to say first, keep to the script, but definitely call your sister. That makes you a better person, which of course by rescuing those babies is true
 

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You did the right thing by the dogs and your shouldn't doubt that. IMO sounds like to me that your sister is having to listen to her husband and maybe stuck in the middle and does not want to tell anybody. I have been there it is easier not to have him fussing @ her. Send her a letter or catch her off by herself without him around
 

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I agree with everyone else you did the right thing for the dogs.  I think I would write a letter with all of your thoughts and feelings, then I would give it to her personally when it is just the two of you so you can talk it out.  With a letter everything is there and said, there aren't any interruptions where the conversation can end up on a different tract and you don't get to say what you wanted.  Hope the two of you can work things out.
 

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Man, it seems your sister is being very unreasonable about the whole situation.  I mean- she was going to let some guy she didn't even know keep them, but has a problem with you taking them and finding them good homes? Thats ridiculous.  Maybe she is somewhat ashamed of how they treated the dogs and feels hurt or threatened or inferior  that you were able/willing to deal with it.  I don't know?  Maybe it is her husband who is influencing her not talking to you.

Hopefully time will heal this rift between you. I encourage you to be the bigger person and keep trying to stay in contact with her.  You did a good thing for the dogs, but it is a stupid reason for her not to talk to you. Try not to bring up the dogs or the situation when talking to her at first.  Perhaps after you two (hopefully) have a relationship again you can discuss it if you feel it is necessary. I think you will both regret the time spent not talking to each other, and the sooner you can make amends the better, especially with her having a new baby.  So, my advice... vent here and try to go back to your sister calm, collected, and forgiving.
Good luck!
 

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you did the best thing for the dogs..they couldn t handle the dogs BEFORE the baby never mind after...give her time..she'll come around id bet you that its her hubby thats being a jerk and giving her a hard time...write her a letter or email id say...that way you can get out everythign you want to say...and she can read it without you all arguing...she can read it through and re read...and really think abou tit

good luck..my sis and i have gone through things haha shes 10 yrs younger and drives me insane with decisions she makes...no common sense but a hell of a paramedic..go figuere..haha
I agree it sounds more like the husband is putting pressure on his wife- your sister. Becasue your sister seemed to want help but it was always him that stopped her from letting you come over. You were there and he got mad eventhough he wasn't even home that time... I think she may feel like she is in the middle... Anyway, I agree you should contact her.

Life is too short to fight about things like this - especially when you were helping her out. As you know some people find it hard to receive help from others... This sounds like your brother in law!
 

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I agree with everyone else too.  You did the right thing by rescuing the two furbabies and by finding them good forever homes.  In time your sister may come around and realize that you helped her out and did the right thing by finding new homes for the Boxers and despite your BIL, you tried to help fix the fence for the other dog.  I would give the relationship some space and time.
 

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First and foremost, you are not the one who is wrong! So don't think that for even a minute. Secondly, what you did for those dogs is truly commendable. I know how things can be between siblings, I have a sister, too, but lack of concern for a pet has never been an issue between us. I am sorry to say this, and yes, I have never been a politically correct person, I have strong views and I am going to mention them here: My standpoint would be completely similar to yours. I wouldn't apologise for what I did to get those dogs into better homes.

Your sister is mad because as someone pointed out in the thread, she knew her decisions were wrong ones and she is just too proud to admit to the fact that she was wrong and you were right in telling her that getting three dogs was not a good idea! As per your story, she could not manage them whatsoever! You, in fact, have been trying to help all this while - and didn't expect anything to come from it, but the well-being of animals that didn't have a say in the matter! So why is she the one who is offended, I ask you?

I apologise again, because this reply sounds like a vent itself, but I get really angry when I hear about human beings who don't think before they act and to top it all of, they actually go ahead and blame other people for trying to help them!!

I think you are absolutely right in what you did. As to her, I think you should just behave normally with her, rational always helps. You don't have to prove what you did was correct. She just needs time to realise that fact. Though egos are tricky things. If she really values you as a sister, and she realises what you did was right, she will break the ice herself.
 

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WOW....thats alot to have to deal with from a family member, but i to think you did the right thing. I personally probably would have done it alot sooner, but then again my family knows how passionate i am about making sure the animal has the best care possible.....i think they would be scared to screw up with an animal around me :) things will go back to normal, it just takes some time. hope everything works out for you!

oh and KUDOS for taking action and making sure that those dogs got the home they deserved!!
 

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sorry to hear you have fallin out with your sister be a bigger person and talk to her if she dosent want to know wee at least you tried with her being pregnant maybe she was feeling a bit stressed i hope the both of you work it out you should be proud of yourself for looking after the dogs
 
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